It’s been a while since I’ve written, typed lines on a screen or put pen to paper. It’s been a while since I’ve risen early to a quiet house with the warmth of coffee and the comfort of scripture. It’s been a while since I walked with my friend, and shared my heart and my fears. It’s been a while since I’ve just laughed and played with my kids without worry or agenda. It’s been a while since I’ve rested, truly had a soul rest, where I knew it would all work out.
Why is this? I think I’ll blame it on Summer. I stay up late, we sleep in, I lose my rhythm and routine. We have more fun but the discipline fades a little. So does my intention. Apathy shows up as well, and things, important things slip away. It’s my fault too, but Summer is going to be my scapegoat.
But there was a day this week I rose early with anxiety and poured my heart out to God reading Psalm 16…”Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest. You will show me the path of life. I find joy in your presence.”
There was a day this week that I walked with my friend and remembered that I don’t have to change my surroundings to find peace. The Peacemaker is my best friend and lives inside me.
There was a day this week that I forgot about the chores and that unanswered prayer and played an hour of board games with two of my boys.
And there must be a day this week that I find that soul rest and truly believe Psalm 16, that the Lord is my portion and that is enough, that I have a perfect inheritance because my Abba is a King – making me his princess, that He counsels me even in sleep and I cannot be shaken because He is holding my outreached hand, that He will show me the path of life, the answers and way in the midst of uncertainty.
It’s been a while since I have believed this, this truth of who I am and what I have because of him and what he did.
It’s been too long of a while.