Glory to Glory

5 years ago today. 5 years ago today he left us. 5 years ago today he ran for the first time in a long time. He ran into the arms of the one who loved him more than life itself. 5 years ago today he finally had no pain, he breathed deep and rested, finally rested.

But, 5 years ago today my heart broke, my spirit ached, my faith weakened, my miracle left me. All the prayers for healing, all the mustard seeds I’d offered to God, the mountain I begged to move, left me. That’s a holy, hard thing, to know dad’s miracle began but to be left behind wanting your own.

I’ve been working on that lately, working on my broken faith. I thought I had dealt with it, processed it like a good therapist does, but it’s been creeping up lately. The memories, the things we saw that we shouldn’t have seen. The pain he endured that was so unjust, the way his body was ravaged so unfairly. It’s been creeping up and I can’t quite handle it like I want to. God, in his wisdom, is bringing it to the surface because he is good enough to want me whole.

That’s strange, isn’t it? That God would reveal in me my angst toward Him, my questions, my doubts that He is good? Why would He do that? Why would He expose something that doesn’t honor Him? That’s brave isn’t it? He isn’t worried about his reputation. He could leave all this buried in me, keep it under the covers, but He is a cover lifter, as I have said before. He’s a light shiner, He breaks up darkness, even when it might reveal that we aren’t sure if He is good.

Don’t stop is what I want to tell you. Don’t stop moving towards holiness, wholeness and having your broken places mended. It’s holy, hard work. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it and God can handle the wrestle. We are wrestling now, me and God. I am wrestling with Him on my broken heart, my faith that was chipped at, the miracle I believed for but didn’t receive, the medical trauma dad endured, we all endured. I have doubts and tears and He can handle them. He is so good to not let them consume me. He is so good to bring them to the surface after 5 years because he wants my healing, my own miracle.

He’s kind like that, he moves us from glory to glory. Don’t stop. Dad never stopped. He always found the fight in him to keep going, until he just couldn’t anymore and then he stepped into His glory. Glory to glory. That’s how God works, at least that’s what I am learning.

Sometimes glory doesn’t look like what you think though. Sometimes glory looks like old memories coming back, tears, time in the counseling office, time writing down the words, more tears, hard conversations, bold conversations with God, telling Him your angry and you aren’t sure if you believe Him when you’ve believed him for 32 years. More time with the counselor…And then there’s glory.

Out of the wrestling, there’s glory.

Like when dad finally stepped into glory after all those years. All those years of wrestling with his body, wrestling with fear, wrestling with his maker, he finally stepped into his glory. Glory to glory. Please don’t stop. Don’t stop moving towards the One who can handle it, who can handle you and your wrestle and all your broken places.

Just please don’t stop. 

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

 

Watchtowers and Waiting

This week I have been reading back through my journal from the past year.  It has been a blessing yet also very humbling: A blessing because I can see God’s faithfulness and his hand woven through all my many prayers and circumstances throughout the year. But also humbling because there are still areas of my life that haven’t changed, still places that lack faith, still spots in me that need more pruning, still hurts that need healing. He is not done yet, and I am not done. However, if I want to move forward I MUST press in. I MUST find the time to steal away to be with him, to give him the space to do his holy work.

I was reminded of a Bible story this week and I thought I would share. It is from Habakkuk 1-2. We see in chapter one that Habakkuk is complaining to the Lord.

He says, “How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen!”

Have you ever felt that way? I did as I read through my journal and saw those prayers that seem to stay on repeat without the answers I want.  

Habakkuk then states in 2:1 “I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.”

Watchtowers were used during biblical times as places of safety or security during war. They were high and set apart so that guards could keep watch for the oncoming enemy. Habakkuk is bold in his questions to God, then he steals away to a quiet place to watch and wait for God’s response. I love this. I love Habakkuk’s wisdom and confidence. His wisdom to get away from the noise, his confidence to complain and cry out, and his confidence in knowing that God will answer his complaint in his waiting. On Sunday, the pastor said, “Our bold requests stir up the bold responses of God.”  

The Lord does respond to Habakkuk in 2:2 “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time…it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”

So, what do we see here? What can we learn?

  1. We must be bold in our asking. There are only a few weeks left of 2018. What’s left to press into? What more do you want God to do in you? Through you? Be bold in your asking and watch for his bold response.
  2. Steal away to a watch tower. Find the place where you are not distracted, where you are protected from the enemy, and ready yourself to hear from God, and wait.
  3. Right down the vision so you and others can then run!  God will honor the time you devote to him and he will respond to you. Posture yourself with ears and hearts to listen. His response will require you to act. I noticed many of my unanswered prayers stayed that way because I did not act on the vision God gave me to write down!
  4. Trust him in the waiting and watch with him.

Steal away, watch what he does, record it, steal away, watch, record. Repeat. What a beautiful rhythm.

I am praying for you friends, praying that you find that sacred space to sit with him, lean in and catch the vision, his vision for you!

P.S. Some of you have asked and here is the link for Regina’s mentoring ministry and the story of how her journaling impacted mine: http://titus2mentoringwomen.com/2017/11/intentional-journaling-the-words-journal/

Par-a-dox

Par-a-dox- “a situation, or person, or thing that combines contradictory features of qualities.”

“I will not be made sad by the very ones who ought to give me the greatest joy.” 2 Cor. 2:3

Ugh, we had a tough night. It’s been a tough month really. Such a paradox. I read this verse this morning and it jumped off the page. Like Paul was in my head. He has had to discipline the church he loves so much. He disciplined because he loved, and he tells us in verse 4 that he was “heartbroken. I cried over it. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I wanted you to know how very much I love you.”

I’ve always been told parenting is physical exhaustion on the front end and mental, emotional exhaustion on the back end. I am feeling…every….ounce…of the back end today. Feeling the paradox- the one who ought to give me the greatest joy has made me sad. He is halfway to 22 and over 60% of his way to 18. (I had to do some math for that one.) He doesn’t need our physical help anymore. But there is a mental, emotional investment that has to be made on behalf of his heart and that…is…hard…work.

It is harder than tying his shoe, pouring him a bowl of cereal, cleaning his face or picking out his clothes, all the physical mom tasks that pile up and leave you physically exhausted. I know how to do all those things and do them well. But this, this heart health, this training, this preparing him for the man he will become…is hard. It makes my brain tired, it requires too much head space, and it keeps me on my knees. And he didn’t even do anything too terrible. But we see glimpses of pride, disrespect and anger, and we want to see humility, honor and kindness.

And so like Paul, the one who should bring me much joy has made me sad. The discipline has left me heartbroken. I have cried over it. I didn’t want to hurt him but I want him to know how very much I love him…I love him so much that I will not let him get away with pride, or disrespect, or anger towards his family…I love him so much that I want his heart ready and aware of what it takes to be the best version of him, to become the man God intended. That’s the call I have on me now and it makes me tired because I’ve never done it before and I want to do it right.

Life is full of paradoxes. The gifts of life can feel like white elephants. The food I love can make my body sick. Social media can make me feel connected yet leave me envious. The people we love the most can leave us angry and wounded.

“For I cried out to Him for hope, praising Him as I spoke.” Psalm 66:17

This Psalm was written after a victorious battle. This warrior has seen death and “fire and flood” and “great abundance.” He has seen the paradox of battle – the pain of fighting for something you believe in and the joy of victory.

He has cried out to God and praised him at the same time.

The holy things and the hard things can co-exist.

We can cry out to God and praise him in the same breath. The things that bring us the greatest joy can also bring great pain. There is still a great battle going on friends. A battle for our souls, a battle for our hearts, and battle for our minds. It can leave us tired and weary, but it is so worth the fight.

Paul, with his weary, worn out battle-ridden heart says, “but thanks be to God, who leads us along in Christ’s triumphal procession…” 2 Cor. 2:14

Thanks be to God, we are not alone. Thanks be to God, Christ is a victor. Thanks be to God, I am being led alongside Him.

Alongside the one who lived the greatest paradox- the divine in a human body, the king of everything born in a dirty manger, the one with holy, healing hands using them as a carpenter and to touch the sick and broken things.

Life is a paradox, the hard and the holy are one. The hard things lead us into the holy things, keep us on our knees, crying out for hope, praising him as we speak.   

God’s Heart

Do you trust me? Really trust me? Do you believe I formed you exactly how I planned? Do you believe I hold your future in my hands and I always have? Do you believe I already formed your future? You past is the future I created when I breathed my breath in you.

Did you know that, did you know that the King of the world breathed His breathe in you….on purpose?

So many things intended for you long ago, your past, but the future I gave you when I formed you. Do you doubt that my plans are good for you? Do you believe that you can get in the way of my plans? Pride, that’s pride my child, to think that you could halt my plans for you. I am Almighty God. Why do you doubt my concern for you? Do you know that I see you, I care for you, I delight in you?

I am a Promise Keeper, a Truth Teller, a Heart Healer and I hold you close, so very close.

I am full, complete and I offer that to you, not a shattered, unplanned or unorganized life. If you choose me, if you listen to me, I offer you whole, pure and good things. Can you trust me with what I have chosen for you, your life, your people?

Do not think you know better than me for I am the Master Planner and I plan all things well.

I hold your heart.

I see the broken pieces, the empty spaces and I long to breathe life there if you will let me, child. Please let me.

Something broke you, long ago. You don’t even know, but I was there, I was there when your heart was broken. This is a broken world, and my children get hurt and they don’t even realize it. The enemy is a heart breaker and he wants my army bruised and battered.

But I am the heart healer and I am putting you back together child. Piece by piece. Piece by piece. It takes time, it keeps you close. Trust me with my timing as I put you back together. It draws you deep, deeper into me. Stay in my shadow, draw near as I put you back together.

I have plans for you, my love, good plans, and I will use your brokenness for my glory, to draw in my other loves. I do not fail. I am Good. I am Glory. I am Forever. I am your Father, your Abba, your Papa. I haven’t forgotten you.

I am closer than you know. Breathe me in.

Fancy

35 hours of training. That’s what I had to get to renew my counseling license. 35 hours of sitting at a table surrounded by smart, insightful and caring people. People that go into the trenches and help the hurting, I mean really hurting, people.

It has been amazing…and terrifying. It’s been almost 8 years since I sat professionally with a wounded soul. It’s been almost 8 years of raising the boys, caring for my home, my husband and the family we made. And now it’s time to go back, go back into the trenches with the hurting…and I am scared.

I am scared that I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember what to say or recommend when you tell me your marriage is falling apart or you can’t stop the voices in your head or your teen won’t come out of their room. However, if you need a baby wipe or some cheerios, then I’m your girl. I can get a stain out for you and I can fit 6 of you in my dirty car and get you wherever you need to go. But if you need me to walk you thru your trauma or your tragedy or your trial…that’s a different story. And you want to pay me for this? No way. No way can I take your money because I’m really a mess too, and I surely can’t tell you how to climb out of your mess. The inside of my head is scrambled, so why would you want me to help you sort out yours?

So, 35 hours of training and even more hours of doubt and fear. It’s really been a battlefield here the past few months…a battlefield of my mind…can I do this, should I do this, what will I say, can I really help?….but I’m doing this…

I landed in 1 Corinthians this week…not by chance I know. Paul is speaking to his church friends in Corinth. They are in a mess. There is diversity and disorder among the congregation. There is confusion and conflict on what to believe and who to believe, questions over spiritual gifts and how to use them, really just a mess…and I totally identify with them.

Here are some really good words that Paul has left us. If your head feels a little jumbled or worn out, well…

I Corinthians 1 (NLT)

Vs 7 “You have every spiritual gift you need”

Vs 9 “He always does just what He says”

Vs 24 “Christ is the wisdom of God”

Vs 25 “God’s weakness is far stronger than the greatest of human strength”

1 Corinthians 2

Vs 3 “I came to you in weakness…but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you”

Vs 6 “I do not speak of the wisdom that belongs to this world…the wisdom we speak of is the secret wisdom of God”

Vs 12 “God has given us his Spirit so we can know…”

Vs 13 “We do not use words of human wisdom, we speak words given to us by the Spirit”

Vs 16 “We have the mind of Christ”

And my favorite: 1 Corinthians 4:20 “The Kingdom of God is not just fancy talk, it is living by God’s power.”

All this time, I have been anxious, wanting to be fancy. To be a fancy pants, a wise and respected therapist in my community and among my peers. The fears of failure and looking like a stay-at-home fool among the tenured and educated have hit hard. Well, I think I will just be a fancy pants for Jesus and live using His words, His wisdom and His power when I sit with His children. He will equip me and give me EVERYTHING I need. He will do the same for you friend.

Thank goodness His kingdom is not just fancy talk, but it is living by His power to fulfill His plan and His purpose!

Bold Words

Our words hold power, power to bring death or power to bring life. Revelation 12:11 states,They defeated him through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their testimony.” Our secrets lose power when they are brought into the light. It is a hard thing to speak the bold word, the secret place, the thing that wants to stay hidden.

Today we have bold, brave words by a guest blogger, Diana Reis, and they are good, good words: 

Those that know me well know I don’t usually like to be so bold or put myself out there in this way, but this chapter in the book, Girl Wash Your Face, was so important for me & I feel led to share.

I’d say that since I was pretty young (way too young), I learned to cope with things through drinking. You name it…stress, anxiety, worries, shame, fear, insecurities, boredom, whatever. When things got tough, this was the easiest thing that I could turn to. It was an instant fix to whatever problem I was facing. Trouble in my teen years, have a drink. Need confidence in an uncomfortable situation, have a drink. Challenging changes in my 20’s, have a drink. Failing first marriage, have a drink. Stressed because life has thrown me too much, have a drink. Overwhelming day with the kids, have a drink. Mad because you caved in and “solved your problem” by having drinks, have another drink.  (You get the picture). I could always pull myself out of it so it didn’t become too big of a problem…however, when things got to be too much for me, this was my “easy outlet” for many years. It’s crazy too –  because when you wake up, those problems and troubles are still there…just slightly worse now because you don’t feel 100% from the night before.

It took me too many wasted years, days, nights and weekends to finally realize this unhealthy path I kept taking myself down. Like she says in this chapter “drinking is so hard to walk away from because the action is just so easy”. The great thing about going through tough stuff is that it builds up your immune system. But if you keep medicating it, you can’t learn how to cope with it…whatever that IT is. “The difficult seasons we walk through are how we learn to build up strength to manage any situation.”

I have learned different and better ways to deal with my stress and anxiety. It wasn’t easy and took a lot of mistakes and failures to get there, but I did. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect now and have it all right. I’m human and still learning every day. I will still make mistakes along the way, but now I have learned that when things feel like they are too much –  I can read, pray, run, laugh, exercise, be with friends, have coffee, play with my kids, etc. I finally got tired of how it was affecting so many areas of my life. It’s ok to have a glass of wine and relax…but it doesn’t have to turn into a coping mechanism. “Food, Water, shelter, healthy relationships…those are things we need. Anything else you insert into that category becomes a dangerous crutch – and you don’t need a crutch if you are strong enough to walk on your own. — Fighting through those hard times is how you get tougher; it’s how you become the person you were meant to be.”

I don’t know what struggles you may be dealing with or how you may be negatively  coping with it, but for me it was having the self awareness to acknowledge my unhealthy habits I had created for myself. “You’re never going to move past a problem if you can’t even admit to having it in the first place.” Once you can admit it to yourself, remove the temptations from your life. Those can be different for everyone. It can be food, alcohol, phone use, porn, smoking, etc. Create new and positive habits to put in their place. It can be one of the best things you do for yourself. “Obviously real struggles run so much deeper than simply having access, but it’s much easier to fall into those temptations if they’re sitting right in front of you.”

Hopefully me sharing this can help someone else somewhere with something in your own life. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of our “why”. My why is: my kids, my husband, my health, my relationship with my Heavenly Father, my friends, my future, my small group students, & my family. What is your why?

Check out the song –  “You Say” By: Lauren Daigle

💕 #GirlWashYourFace #RachelHollis

 

Thank you, Mack

He came out of my belly the sweetest thing, very happy and wide eyed. He still is the sweetest thing. Full of laughs, still with wide eyes, making those around him very happy. But within days of his birth, he wasn’t so happy anymore, always arching his back, screaming at me and struggling to eat. Breastfeeding was no longer an option as he had under developed oral muscles and just couldn’t consume what was needed. The old-man pediatrician just told me I was paranoid and depressed and had a colicky baby and to just go home. However, my insides knew this old-man had been doing his job way to long and was just wrong. We found another pediatrician and were told Mack had reflux and meds were prescribed.

The drugs didn’t work and soon Mack stopped eating all together.

I remember my obsession with how much he ate, when he ate. I kept a journal recording every ounce to make sure it was enough for him to gain fat and stay hydrated. I would rock him and pray and cry, begging him to eat but he refused and fell asleep starving in my arms. I would rock myself and pray and cry begging God to heal him but He refused and I fell asleep with a starving soul.

All the while I was working full time at a counseling center, helping families, yet I couldn’t even help my newborn. Mack’s weight continued to drop, and so did mine as my obsession with his eating continued. Sleepless nights with a hungry child that couldn’t swallow was gut wrenching for this brand new mama.

For the first time in my 30 years of living, I felt out of control, I felt that God didn’t care and was not good. Why would he not answer me, help this baby eat? The nourishment was available but Mack refused. I quit praying and reading my Bible. The depression resurfaced and brought anxiety with it. The doctors continued to change Mack’s meds but nothing worked to soothe his burnt and exhausted esophogus. The doctors continued to change my meds but nothing worked to soothe my scared and worn out soul. After many trips to the ER for IVs to hydrate him, we found a specialist who finally recommended a few days in the hospital with a feeding tube. Mack’s liver enzymes were off, indicating major malnourishment.

That was a scary day for me, hearing the news of putting my then 4 month old baby in the hospital with a feeding tube. Months before, the first time I sat in this GI specialists office, I was surrounded by tube babies but knew that would never be us. God wouldn’t let that happen. How wrong I was. 

We spent several nights with Mack in the hospital and the NG tube. We were surrounded by family and Mack was so happy as his belly was full and his throat had a break from acid and swallowing. The tube came home with us for a while. Every night Mack, Chris and I would all get in the huge whirlpool tub and played games to distract Mack as we removed glue beneath his nose, cleaned his face, then re-glued and bandaged the tube in place. Every night.

Mack’s mobility had to be on hold for a while as he couldn’t crawl with a IV pole and bag behind him. We brought him to small group until we found a sitter brave enough to refill his formula bag and monitor his tube. Our church nursery loved us well and cared for him while we sat in church exhausted but grateful for the break.

I began therapy as I was still stressed and anxious and unsure how this all could have happened to me, God’s faithful servant. My theology was naive and jaded. Of all people, my Jewish therapist helped me understand that my Christian faith needed room for a God who let his children suffer. 

I felt very alone during this season. I was a new mom while many of my friends still didn’t have children and the freedom that offers.  I was a working mom while other moms stayed home full time. I had a sick baby while many of my friends had healthy ones. I abandoned God while many of my friends were strong in their faith journey.

Now, that sick baby is almost 11 and wearing a men’s shoe size and never stops eating. Now that sick baby is strong and on a gymnastics team. Now, that tired mama is proud of who her boy is becoming. Now that tired mama has room for heartache in a much stronger faith.

I thought God was refusing to heal Mack because He just didn’t care. But I see now how much he did care. I see that he was strengthening and growing my faith. Growing up a baby faith that was naive and not yet tempered with suffering. Growing up a faith that could withstand the trials of marriage and parenting, a job as a crisis counselor, and ultimately the tragic, traumatic death of my father.

All those lessons learned while crying and rocking a starving baby were feeding a faith that could one day move mountains. See, things need to grow and sometimes it takes a pruning for the vine to produce the most fruit. A faith without challenge and question isn’t much of a faith at all. A faith that always wins won’t stand the test of time. But a faith that endures trials and digs deep will stand and is precious to the owner. Thank God for those long nights in the rocker and the hospital – they produced some beautiful fruit and a beautiful faith. 

Let me be….

On days when I don’t know who I am, or what I believe, on days when the lies are louder than your truth, on days when my head is foggy and the road is unclear…On days when I want to be someone else because my self doesn’t feel so great or so right or okay….

Let me be like creation: the mountains sing for you, the rivers and fields clap their hands for you; The stars shine and the sun wakes up only for you.                                               

Let me be like Mary and Esther and Ruth: saying yes when it’s hard but they know it’s right.

Let me be like Moses and Joshua and Abraham: believing even though the road is long, the cell is dark and the promise unseen.

Let me be like the 12: following you even when it doesn’t make sense and death is close and it feels like you’ve gone.

Let me be like David with a constant song in my heart and a faith in your rescue.

Let me be like the house built on the rock, standing firm despite the storm that comes and the lies that tear at my foundation.

Let me be like the child that sits close and believes every word you say because you are the king of the world.

Let me be like the widow who gave her last coin because she knew you were worth all she had.

Let me be like Nicodemus who sought you in the dark when the risk was high.

Let me be like the lilies of the field that never worry for provision. They exist simply to bring you glory.

Let me be in your shadow because there is rest and strength there.

Let me just be, just for your plan, your purpose, your glory, your kingdom.

Let me be for others, living water, an encourager, a refresher, a truth teller.

Let me be for you.

Lean in

God does hear our prayers, he does lend his ear towards this earth and stretch out his arm that is never too short.

I’ve had a wrestling lately, an uneasy spirit that has resulted in too many sleepless nights, an edginess, but I couldn’t put my finger on it…until.

Until I picked up this book, “Come Matter Here” by Hannah Brencher. It’s her story of an “invitation to be here in a getting there world.”

She learns the art of being present through some dark days. There are so many morsels on these pages. You really need a journal and pen close by.

One paragraph stopped me and forced out a prayer. After a motorcycle ride, making deep left turns, she states “I realized in that moment, with the night air so intoxicating and the engine roaring loudly, that if I ever want to enjoy this journey, I’m going to need to learn how to trust. How to let go. How to admit I’m not in control. I am not the driver; I am just the one who leans left. I need to trust. I need to live like there’s a left turn coming up and I’m expected to lean into it. I need to trust that God will be here to cover the rest.”

I am in a season of left turns but I have been pushing to the right. I am not leaning in to the uncertain and challenging things that God has laid before me. So there is a resistance, there’s a tug-of-war and I am definitely losing.03BD40E2-1E1B-4CA8-BA6B-8059EFEC7DAE

I caught these three in a rare moment of kindness today. They were laughing, and taking care of each other. If I’m honest, they are usually fighting and causing me heart palpitations. I’ve been pushing right with them, fighting against the powerful, aggressive boys God’s giving me instead of leaning left, pressing into the potential for greatness they have. They feel the push back too and it only causes mutiny. I am going to start looking for more of these moments and stop resisting who they are.

There is a uncertain freedom in leaning into the things that God places before you, even when you feel inadequate, even when you feel anxious, even when you feel afraid. To just lean in and to trust him with the rest. Thank you, Hanna, for your heart and honesty and for teaching Us to be present when our hearts want to run away.

 

It’s been a while

It’s been a while since I’ve written, typed lines on a screen or put pen to paper. It’s been a while since I’ve risen early to a quiet house with the warmth of coffee and the comfort of scripture. It’s been a while since I walked with my friend, and shared my heart and my fears. It’s been a while since I’ve just laughed and played with my kids without worry or agenda. It’s been a while since I’ve rested, truly had a soul rest, where I knew it would all work out.

Why is this? I think I’ll blame it on Summer. I stay up late, we sleep in, I lose my rhythm and routine. We have more fun but the discipline fades a little. So does my intention. Apathy shows up as well, and things, important things slip away. It’s my fault too, but Summer is going to be my scapegoat. 

But there was a day this week I rose early with anxiety and poured my heart out to God reading Psalm 16…”Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest. You will show me the path of life. I find joy in your presence.”

There was a day this week that I walked with my friend and remembered that I don’t have to change my surroundings to find peace. The Peacemaker is my best friend and lives inside me.

There was a day this week that I forgot about the chores and that unanswered prayer and played an hour of board games with two of my boys.

And there must be a day this week that I find that soul rest and truly believe Psalm 16, that the Lord is my portion and that is enough, that I have a perfect inheritance because my Abba is a King – making me his princess, that He counsels me even in sleep and I cannot be shaken because He is holding my outreached hand, that He will show me the path of life, the answers and way in the midst of uncertainty.

It’s been a while since I have believed this, this truth of who I am and what I have because of him and what he did.

It’s been too long of a while.